Holiday Hallucinations

For me, Christmas starts in July, or sometimes even June. Around Midsummer this year, I found a bagful of furniture for my daughter's doll house from a second hand shop. It was instantly clear to me that this 30-piece doll furniture collection, which didn't even miss cups and cakes, will fill the stockings throughout the whole Christmas month, and the elf can wait for December with relief. I hid my daughter's gift bag in the usual place, and forgot it there. It appeared before my eyes in full glory at the end of November, about a week before elves start running around. Namely, I was taking a bath when there was a knock on the door, and my daughter Rene entered. She was holding the same bag with a big grin on her face.

"Mummy, is this for me?" she asked, all glowing. I couldn't hide my annoyance and asked her where she had found it. After which she said that from a high kitchen cupboard - she was looking for candy. I can't even describe that feeling... Anyway, I pulled myself together, smiled, and told her it was indeed meant for her. Rene trotted away happily, and all of a sudden the bath water felt cold. Yes... my daughter has grown up and the cupboard that a few years ago seemed a good hiding place, had betrayed me. I was back at zero, and moodlessly stuffed Rene's stockings with candy. I had Christmas peresents already in October when my favourite webshop had a sale. Rene wanted a new mobile phone, which I got her in November and put away in a safe place. More and more it seems to me that Christmas is about children, because it's not like adults really need anything material. I rather need quiet and calm moments. The calm moment disappeared from my life when I discovered on 24 December when I realised I'd hidden my daughter's Christmas present too well. I couldn't find it! So I spent two hours on Christmas Eve rummaging through the flat in despair, and what was missing, was the phone. I just couldn't remember where I'd put it! Writing these lines, I have to admit the phone with its brown box is still missing... Finally I decided not to get to upset, because grandparents always get their grandchildren incomprehensibly many presents, and I just left it unmentioned that one of the important presents was missing...

This year, our family gathered at my parents' place for Christmas. My brother Ati told me on the phone that the only things I needed to bring, were cream and fresh thyme. When I arrived, Ati had prepared delicious turnips and carrots, and started to season the rabbit with cream and thyme. This wonderful dinner was the highlight of the holidays for me - everyone was together, enjoyed the food and... My daughter stated the same thing as last year: "I won't eat rabbit! No way!" I told her that her wish has been accounted for, and gave her some rabbit from the pot, saying it's chicken. My daughter said the chicken is much better than rabbit. And if I'm honest, I think my daughter becomes more and more like me every year - this means, more demanding, and cleverness has to come into play with rascals like that.

Christmas finale was at my mother-in-law's place, and she'd prepared two dishes for the occasion. First lamb, and pork afterwards. After a traditional walk, five cakes. Five cakes! It's worth mentioning that one of the cakes was prepared according to the Olympic medalist Kristina Šmigun's recipe... When we started with the dessert, Rene asked perplexed: "Are there no pancakes?" Undoubtedly my daughter's appetite comes from me, but in starker shades. Mother-in-law asked if she should make pancakes now, to which I screamed that FIVE cakes are enough.  

During the holidays, I try to avoid television as much as possible. I like picking out music or a film, and then flow in my own world. But on the second Christmas day, we watched 'Sugarman' documentary for the second time on ETV, and this meant that I was so moved I cried almost during the whole film. This gave my husband substance for banter directed at me. Actually we'd watched this documentary earlier with the husband, and then the same scenario repeated - I was all tears and my husband was just smirking to himself... Now we were joined by Rene, who watched the whole film, and for the rest of the night she listened to Rodriguez - I Wonder (listen HERE) on YouTube. Later she took the lyrics, and asked me to translate them for me... Here's the chorus: "I wonder how many times you've been had And I wonder how many plans have gone bad I wonder how many times you had sex I wonder do you know who'll be next I wonder l wonder wonder I do"

Santa also brought some presents. I now have Hunter Balmoral wellies, which perfectly fit the weather right now, and my dad sullenly told me that Hunter snow boots didn't make it in the post... So typical! One pair is not enough! Mother asked me last week, whether there's something they should get our family for Christmas, and I told her that one is clear - definitely not mugs! Result: on Christmas Eve we had three new mugs that were "forgotten" at my parents' place. My husband got me 'Hallucinations' by Oliver Sacks, and with the holidays' feasts and appetite on the background, the three days can best be summarised by 'hallucination'.

Minu jaoks algavad jõulud juulis või vahest isegi juunis. Selle aasta jaanipäeva paiku leidsin ühest second-hand poest oma tütre nukumaja jaoks suure koti mööblit. Mulle oli kohe selge, et see kolmekümnest suurest ja väikesest mööbliesemetest kott täidab ära terve jõulukuu sussivarud ja päkapikk võib rahulikult detsembrit oodata. Peitsin tütre kingikoti oma tavapärasesse salapaika ja nii jäi see jõulukuud ootama. Paraku ilmus nukumaja mööbel oma täies hiilguses minu silme ette novembri lõpus, umbes nädal enne seda, kui päkapikud jooksma hakkavad. Nimelt olin parasjagu vannis, kui vannitoauksele kõlas koputus ja seejärel sisenes minu tütar Rene. Tal oli käes seesama kott nukumööbliga ning lai naeratus näol.

"Emme, kas see on mulle?" küsis Rene särades. Ma ei suutnud hetkeks oma pahameelt varjata ja kähisesin nagu nõid: "Kust sa selle leidsid?!?" Rene jätkas rõõmsameelselt: "Sealt kõrgest köögikapist! Ma otsisin kommi!" Ma isegi ei oska seda tunnet kirjeldada... Igatahes võtsin end lõpuks kokku, naeratasin ja ütlesin, et see on tõepoolest sulle! Tütar lahkus suure kotiga rõõmsalt oma tuppa ja mulle tundus vannivesi ühtäkki külm. Jaa... Mu tütar on pikaks kasvanud ja kapp, mis veel paar aastat tagasi tundus hea peidupaigana, oli mind reetnud. Jõulukingid olid mul olemas juba oktoobris, kui paaris minu lemmikuimas netipoes olid imelised allahindlused. Rene soovis uut mobiiltelefoni, ostsin selle ära ja peitsin seejärel kindlasse kohta. Aina rohkem tundub mulle, et jõulukingitused on seotud just lastega, sest endal pole justkui midagi materiaalset vaja. Pigem ihkan vaikseid ja rahulikke hetki. Paraku see väga vajalik rahulik hetk kadus minu elust 24.detsembril, kui avastasin, et olin oma tütre jõulukingi liiga kindlasse kohta ära peitnud. Ma ei leidnud seda üles! Nii veetsin 24.detsembril kaks tundi ahastades mööda korterit ringi tuhnides ja mida polnud, oli telefon. Ma lihtsalt ei mäletanud,kuhu olin selle pannud! Neid ridu kirjutades pean möönma, et mobiiltelefon koos pruunika karbiga on siiani kadunud... Ma otsustasin lõpuks endast mitte liiga välja minna, sest vanavanemad teevad alati lapselastele täiesti arusaamatult palju kingitusi ja jätsin tütrele lihtsalt mainimata, et kõige olulisem kink on kadunud...

Sel aastal kohtus kogu meie perekond taas jõululaupäeval minu vanemate pool. Mu kuldsete kätega vend Ati ütles mulle telefonis, et ainus, mida mina pean tooma, on vahukoor ja värske tüümian. Kui ma kohale jõudsin, oli Ati teinud valmis imemaitsvad kaalikad ja porgandid ning asus vahukoore ning tüümianiga küülikut maitsestama. See vaimustav õhtusöök oli minu jaoks pühade kõrghetk - kõik olid koos, kõik nautisid rooga ja ... Minu tütar teatas juba eelmisest aastast tuttavaks saanud lause: "Mina jänkut ei söö! Mitte mingil juhul!" Vastasin talle, et tema soove on arvestatud, tõstsin talle küülikupajast tükikese küülikut, mida nimetasin kanaks ja mu tütar ütles, et kana on palju maitsvam kui küülik. Kui aus olla, siis minu meelest muutub mu tütar iga aastaga järjest rohkem minu moodi - see tähendab nõudlikumaks ja selliste võrukaeladega tuleb kavalust kasutada ...

 Pühad lõppesid minu ämma juures, kes oli teinud valmis kaks praadi. Esmalt pakkus ta lammast ning seejärel toodi lauale siga. Ja pärast traditsioonilist jalutuskäiku viis kooki. VIIS kooki! Väärib märkimist, et ühe koogi oli ämm valmistanud olümpiavõitja Kristina Šmiguni retsepti järgi ... Kui asusime üheskoos kooke degusteerima, küsis Rene täiesti nõutult: "Kas pannkooke ei olegi?" Kahtlemata on minu tütre aplus päritud minult, kuid kindlasti kangemas versioonis. Ämm küsis seepeale hämmeldunult, et kas ta teeb pannkooke lisaks ja mina karjatasin, et VIIEST koogist piisab! Ma püüan pühade ajal võimalikult palju televiisorit vältida, mulle meeldib valida oma muusika või film ja kulgeda siis omas maailmas. Kuid teisel pühal vaatasime teist korda ETV-st dokumentaalfilmi "Sugarman", mis tähendas seda, et mina nutsin meeleliigutusest peaaegu kogu filmi ja mu mees sai mind meeleolukalt tögada. Tegelikult olime seda dokki varem abikaasaga kahekesi vaadanud ja siis kordus sama stsenaarium - mina valasin pisaraid ja mu mees muigas endamisi... Nüüd lisandus teleri ette Rene, kes vaatas ära kogu filmi ja kuulas siis Youtube`ist ülejäänud õhtu Rodriguez`i pala "I Wonder" (kuula SIIT). Hiljem võttis Rene ette laulusõnad ning palus, et ma tõlgiksin need talle ära ... Siin refrään: "I wonder how many times you've been had And I wonder how many plans have gone bad I wonder how many times you had sex I wonder do you know who'll be next I wonder l wonder wonder I do"  

Kui nüüd maisemaks muutuda, siis mõned kingitused tõi jõuluvana ka. Mul on nüüd Hunteri Balmorali kummikud, mis sobivad täiuslikult praeguste ilmadega ja isa ütles mulle mornilt, et postiga ei jõudnud kohale minu Hunteri lumesaapad... Minu isale nii tüüpiline! Ühest paarist ei piisa! Ema uuris läinud nädalal, et kas on midagi, mida meie perele jõuluks kinkida ja mina vastasin, et üks on selge - kindlasti mitte kruuse! Tulemus: jõuluõhtul sigines meile kolm uut punast kruusi, mis  vanemate juurde "ununesid". Abikaasa kinkis mulle Oliver Sacksi raamatu "Hallutsinatsioonid" ja kogu pühade apluse saatel tundub mulle, et need kolm päeva võtab sõna "Hallutsinatsioon" kõige paremini kokku. Kuidas möödusid sinu pühad? Mis olid parimad palad, road ja kingid?